Inspired by iwright’s personal history of embarrassment, I thought I would take a moment to chronicle my own dorkiness throughout the years.
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When I was in the 3rd grade, I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk when I encountered an anchored mailbox. I opted to hit the mailbox rather than leave the sidewalk because I wasn’t supposed to ride on the street.
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In the 4th gade, I got my finger stuck in a hole a library chair. The librarians had to grease my finger to set it free.
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I secretly started shaving my legs when I was 11 years old. I also shaved my arms once because I thought that was the custom- slight misperception.
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I used to sign letters to my grandmother using my first and last name.
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I had to wear rubber bands on my braces in high school. I chose to wear these rubber bands on a date once because I didn’t want to kiss the guy. It worked.
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I hit curbs while driving all the time. I drive a small car.
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I can’t remember the lines to any songs, so I make lines up to go with the music. I prefer to sing the wrong words quite loudly.
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A few years ago I accidentally wore navy socks with black shoes to work. I was discussing my humiliation with my co-workers when a doctor from the clinic walked by and said, “That’s not nearly as bad as the dog poop that’s on your shoe.”
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In a moment of haste, I accidentally put my ear drops in my eyes. My eyes were blinded and burning for an hour.
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I recently learned that I have been mispronouncing “dynamo” for years.
Please let me know that I’m not alone in my dorkdom.
40 Comments
February 18, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Oh, I hate when I mispronounce and misspell stuff REGULARLY! Seriously though, how are you supposed to know how something’s pronounced when you’ve never heard the word, only read it?
These were awesome – you didn’t disappoint!
I typically discover my errors when Matt points them out to me…which is often. He listens to a million books on tapes, so he knows how to pronounce words I only see on paper. Thanks!
February 18, 2008 at 6:13 pm
DORK!
I was hoping the comment space would be filled with fellow dork stories, not taunts
February 18, 2008 at 6:19 pm
I had a dork moment today. A young man approached his car in a parking lot to find a flat tire on his car. Staring at it and scratching his head like he didn’t know what to do… Captain Dork (that’s me) swooped in to save the day. I got his jack and spare out of the trunk, jacked up the car and when I pulled the tire off the rim… the jack flew out and his car came crashing down to the ground. Standing there and scratching our heads, he turns to me and says, “I think I’ll just call triple A”. So my work done, I went on my merry way, while this poor schlep waited around for AAA to get there.
Very funny! Also very nice of you to offer assistance. Thanks for sharing a bit of dorkdom.
February 18, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Alright…try this…
Last month, I had the opportunity to teach two electrical classes to the local maintenance staff. In the middle of the second class, I looked down at my feet and I was wearing two different kinds of boots. They looked a lot like each other, so I am pretty sure no one noticed. Do to the recent addition to the house, I spend a lot of time getting dressed in the dark so I don’t wake anybody. This is the result!
Dorky enough for you?
Perfect! Exactly what I had in mind. I typically dress for the gym in the dark for the same reason you mention, and have ended up with 2 different tennis shoes several times. Feels a little funny, but it works!
February 18, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Nope, it is I, queen dork. There are two very high ups in the company, both female.
I have worked at the company for seven years (!!!!) and still always introduce them to new colleagues with the wrong name.
How do you say dynamo? Die-nah-moe? You have nothing on me in that area, either, as I’m the one with a freaky accent.
Yes to your pronunciation question
February 18, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Alas, I too have signed letters to my Grandmother(s) with my first and last name. I got used to doing this because my mom came from a big family and I always thought that I got lost in the shuffle, but my dad was an only child.
I think I’m also going to steal this idea for my blog at some point.
The sad thing is, I didn’t realize that I was even dorky to do that until I was going through my grandmother’s cards from me after she passed away. It made me laugh a little, despite my sadness.
I look forward to reading!
February 18, 2008 at 7:19 pm
LOL! Hey, I hate to tell you this but you are alone in your dorkdom!
That smarts just a bit
February 18, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I’m a curb cruncher too! And I drive a 2006 Sentra (not a big car). Apparently I have depth perception issues. Maybe the new glasses will help. I also apologize to my car (out loud) when I crunch or after hitting a large pothole.
I also make up words to songs and sing them as loud as possible. Very bad karaoke is one of my strong points.
I once wore a brown shoe and a black shoe to dinner at Don Pablo’s. The shoes were not identical, but very similar, and I didn’t realize what I had done until we sat at the bar waiting on our table.
Dorks are cool!
Oh shoot, I do the apology thing too (and to my passengers and any nearby observers). I love that your shoes weren’t even identical. So very cool!
February 18, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Nope, this all you. Just kidding, I jack stuff up all of the time!
There is solidarity in numbers
February 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I hit the curbs alot too.
I also shaved my arms several times, on the advice of a friend who said that’s what you were supposed to do.
It felt all prickly growing back. Yuck!
February 18, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Just found out that 2 of my friends were cheerleaders in high school… the epitome of coolness. When one asked if I was a cheerleader too, I had to tell her that I was in Young Democrats, Spanish Club, Quilll & Scroll, newspaper, Library Club (eesh) and worst of all… Quiz Bowl. You know what my friend said? “Ya, I can see that about you.”
Hehe
. My membership was not as illustrious as yours, but I was on the Quiz Bowl team.
February 18, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I’m klutzy and sprayed my hair with Lysol once (rather than hairspray) before a date.
Wow. That is terrible. The smell of Lysol never seems to go away!
February 18, 2008 at 9:45 pm
You are definitely not alone. Here are a few of mine to make you feel better:
* I once put contact cleaner instead of eye drops in my eye–OUCH!
* The radio in my car wasn’t working. A buddy and I found it was the fuse. So we remove a fuse that “seemed” to do nothing and put it in the radio slot. Turns out it was for the fan to the radiator. Yes it was August!
* In high school I was in band, chess club, and science club. Need I say anymore.
* Okay one more. I have what I call burner knob dyslexia and other kitchen disabilities. If you don’t mind a shameless plug, check out: http://dadintheheadlights.wordpress.com/2008/02/11/her-place-is-in-the-kitchen/
Your list is great. Thank you for sharing, and I am always happy to read about foibles in the kitchen!
February 19, 2008 at 9:10 am
I think it was SNL that, years ago, did a skit of songs that are mispronounced.
The one that stuck in my head was CCR’s “Bad Moon Rising” and the mixed up lyric was, “There’s a baaathrooom on the right!”
HA!
My dork confession: I enjoy fixing my relatives’ computers when they booger them up.
So there…
Oh, to have a relative like that!
February 19, 2008 at 10:08 am
I used to think that The Clash song “Rock the Casbah” was actually “Rock the Cash Bar.” And I sang it that way in front of a total music snob–someone on the level of Jack Black in “High Fidelity.” Yeah.
I still think “Rock the Cash Bar” would be a great song.
I don’t even know what Casbah means, so I’m sure I would have made the same mistake
February 19, 2008 at 12:12 pm
That post was so funny!
I was in band in high school and I was REALLY good. LOL
I have left the house with two different flip flops on.
I once sent my daughter to school with her shoes on the wrong feet. (My fault, not hers) Her teacher very nicely informed me later.
Sometimes, when I laugh really hard, I snort.
My favorite part of your comment is that you shared that you were really good in band. We should all celebrate our dorkhood!
February 19, 2008 at 1:21 pm
What does it say about me that I have a section of my blog dedicated to the many stupid things I have done (and continue to do):
http://timthefoolman.com/stupid-human-tricks/
One that you won’t find there…
As a long-time wearer of contact lenses, I have moved away from brands that require you to put a timed-release neutralizing tablet into the hydrogen peroxide solution that disinfects them overnight. Why do I not buy this type anymore?
When you put something absorbent onto your eye that is soaked in hydrogen peroxide, the resulting screams will wake everyone in the house.
That’s the kind of dork move you make… once. – Tim
I will have to check out your stupid human tricks
. Doesn’t Letterman feature a segment like that? Ouch to the contact situation!
February 19, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I have a similar bike story. I used to ride to a country club pool during the summers and even though my grandmother lived in the safest part of the safest state in the country I was threatened within an inch of my life if I didn’t padlock my bike the second I got there. One day I forgot the lock. I leaned my bike against the bike rack and ran home to get the lock. I ran. On my feet. As fast as I could, too, because I was scared someone would steal my unlocked bike. Why didn’t I get back on the bike and ride? Because I’m an idiot.
Also, I’ve hit my house before. This isn’t like a little curb that you really can’t see. I have had trouble pulling a Nissan Altima into a two-car garage. Spatial judgement is not my strong suit.
That might be the funniest story I have ever heard. I made my husband come read it too. Thanks for brightening my day!
February 19, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I was blissfully in dork denial until I started blogging. During the past couple months of job hunting, I came to the ultimate conclusion that I am woefully dorky. I am attaching a link to the list of totally stupid things I’ve done around interviewing for jobs. But one of most painful dork moments I had was when I went to a super bowl party at a friend’s apartment complex and when I went to the bathroom, realized I had 2 different shoes on. No big deal, right? Yeah – one was a tennis shoe, and the other? A moccasin. I hate to even admit it but I hadn’t even been drinking… Shamelessly, here’s the link to the interviewing debacles. http://karmental.wordpress.com/2008/01/10/interviewing-advice/
Okay, even I have never done the tennis shoe/moccasin thing. I look forward t reading about your job quest!
February 19, 2008 at 9:38 pm
This is a great post! Oh my, I’m afraid I’ve done some horribly dorky things and now I’m inspired to post about them…because there are far too many to mention in a comment!
Looking forward to reading about them
February 19, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Now that you’ve got me on a roll of self-depricating thoughts, I’ll add my other dorky move to your post: While on vacation in Acapulco, I decided to throw ice chunks at the Sea Gulls that kept swooping at us on our 12 floor balcony. After pelting a few pieces, it dawned on me that there were PEOPLE sitting in the outdoor restaurant directly below us… The terror that pulsed through my heart when our hotel phone rang an hour or so later was nearly enough to knock me unconscious. I had visions of being strip searched and locked in a Mexican prison for unwittingly killing someone with my ice cubes. Luckily, I had just forgot to sign the bar tab from earlier that day.
That’s good. Hopefully they melted before hitting the ground.
February 20, 2008 at 12:47 am
I have so many dorky moments that I learned the Zen of Dork. Own your dorkiness, then let it pass.
Ok, I remember when I was 9 or so, I was hammering two pieces of wood together. I didn’t want the nail to pass into the floor, so I turned it sideways and braced it with my foot. Yeah, I nailed the boards to my foot.
Speaking of piercing dorkiness, I was in the military, stapling some paper together. The stapler stopped working so I was checking it out. I reloaded the stapler and pushed it together with my finger and thumb to make sure it would work and stapled my thumb.
I also, like you, sing my own words to songs. I am occasionally corrected, but people usually just let me have my way with the words.
I’m sure my wife could give plenty more examples but, fortunately, she is asleep.
Why must dorkiness result in injury. I can handle the humiliation, but I’m not so keen on actual wounds. I stapled my hand when I was a kid because I stapled something together in a room with the lights off because I wasn’t allowed to use the stapler yet. For good reason, apparently. Thanks for sharing!
February 20, 2008 at 7:51 am
Many moves ago, my neighbors kids would drop a kitchen chair out of the window (and into my driveway) so they could sneak out.
The houses were close and after a particularly frustrating day at work, I decided that I WAS NOT going to get out of the car and move the chair so I could get into the garage.
Instead, I tried to get by and ended up hitting the house.
Because you know, it just came out of nowhere.
Houses are funny that way.
February 20, 2008 at 9:40 am
Allison, you’re really not a dork! We all do dorky things, though. I especially love it when I have tried to use my windshield cleaner while driving on a freezing day. It’s great when you suddenly have to look through a pane of ice!
Am too
February 20, 2008 at 10:18 am
I know I have many, many examples but I think I must block them out b/c I can’t think of any. Although I do remember going to work one day and my eye kept bothering me all morning. Finally at lunch I went home and realized I had put my brother’s contacts in my eyes and we have different prescriptions. Way to go me!
That won’t put you in the dork hall of fame, but it was certainly a good effort.
February 20, 2008 at 10:38 am
[...] reading the post Dork’s Unite over at That’s What She Blogged I was inspired to make my very own list of dorkyness. [...]
February 20, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Allison said “Why must dorkiness result in injury. …I wasn’t allowed to use the stapler yet. For good reason, apparently.”
Ok, My nine year old son Zachary was reading my post over my shoulder and laughing at me. Now it is his turn and what you said is most applicable to him.
A few years ago, he was running up and down the stairs playing a game with his siblings. I said “Don’t play on the stairs, you will get hurt.” A few moments later, he trips on the stairs and cuts his scalp open on the trim. He got stitches. While in the emergency room, he says “Dad, you were right.” I respond with the obligatory, “Daddy’s are always right.”
A few months later, he is riding his bike in our very safe culdesac. I tell him, “Put on your helmet or you are going to get hurt.” A few minutes later he rides into a parked truck and cuts his forehead open. He is in the E.R. getting stiches and says “Sorry I didn’t listen Daddy, you were right.” I humbly respond with “Daddy’s are always right.”
A few days ago, I made some iced tea that was still fresh and warm. He got a glass of it in his favorite cup and asked if he could put it in the freezer. I said “No, it might break if you forget it and it freezes.” The next day, he remembers sneaking it into the freezer and brings me fragments of his cup with a very sad look on his face. I asked him what happened and he said “I forgot it in the freezer and it broke.” I bit my damn tongue and did not say anything. But now he’s going to hear about how I am always right! Teach him to laugh at my dorkiness.
That’s a whole lot of injury/dorkiness going on
He definitely should have heeded your advice.
February 21, 2008 at 11:12 am
Oh,the list I could make… two memorable ones- the time my skirt popped off in the middle of my dance recital ( age
and instead of picking it up, I tried to skip off stage with it tangled around my ankles. And at age ten when I picked some leaves off a tree on a field trip to shred. Which of course were poison ivy. Which of course I got all over my hands, face, and even in my eyes. Just in time for that year’s dance recital!
I love how your story ended full circle with the dance recital!
February 21, 2008 at 9:25 pm
[...] think my feet are too big, tomboy in a dress, Urkel laugh } I have one again been inspired by Allison and true to form, I’m going to steal this idea. She was inspired by another’s [...]
February 22, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I couldn’t begin to list the depths of my dorkitude. There’s not enough time. I’ll just start by saying that I skipped first grade and was therefore always the smallest kid in my grade until I was, oh, 16 or so. Combine that with the smart-kid stain and bask in the humiliation!
But we’re all cool now. No, seriously. Okay, quit laughing, you’re gonna hurt my feelings. Fine, laugh then, sticks and stones and…oh, forget it, I’ll be over here eating lunch alone.
According to Will’s comment, your willingness to eat alone makes you the anti-dork.
February 22, 2008 at 2:22 pm
That….was…..awesome.
I can’t eat alone in public. *whew* Glad I got that off my chest.
I prefer to eat with others in public, but I’ve had to eat by myself in public a lot on business trips. My favorite place for solitary dining is Cracker Barrel because I play the triangle/peg game to keep me company.
February 22, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Did I mention that my older sister christened me with the nickname “Pam Clavin” after the “Cliff Clavin” character on CHEERS? He was known for saying, “It’s a little known fact (insert bizarre thing only Alex Tribec would know).” Give me a topic and I’ll know something completely random. People usually stop talking, look at me funny, and then resume their conversations. Yup, I’m a total dork.
I want you on my Trivial Pursit team! That reminds me of the kid from Jerry Maguire with his brain trivia.
February 22, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Just this week I had to encounter my dorkiness in a local supermarket. We have 2 Wincos (a west coast chain, I think) here in Salem… and in my defense the 2 are laid out almost identically EXCEPT that the men’s and women’s bathrooms are placed in the opposite positions at the two stores. In the south branch, the men’s room is on the right, and at the east store, the women’s room is on the right (insert John Fogerty singing “There’s a bathroom on the right”)
You see where I’m going with this?
Yeah… I strutted right into the women’s room at the east store. (…and if I may further my attempt at self-exoneration, I’d just gotten off an uncustomary graveyard shift.) An honest mistake, I think. But what solidified my dork-ness, what really drove it home, was that I didn’t realize my mistake. I thought it was weird that there weren’t any urinals on the wall, but the reason for this unique layout didn’t occur to me. THEN, I stood in the stall, with the door unclosed behind me and stared at a sanitary napkin dispenser (something I’ve never seen in a public restroom). I thought to myself. “What is going on? Ohhhh… OH! OH HOLY FU%#!!!!”
By the time the shocking realization bitch-slapped me across the face, I had to wait until I was done, which seemed an eternity. Then I calmly gathered my dignity, and strutted past the ladies at the sink, like I had every right to be there. I paused only a moment… trying to decide whether I should wash my hands… but eventually decided I’d run across the hall to the men’s room for that.
After my hands were rinsed and dried, I got out of that store so fast, people only caught a blur.
That reminds me… I still need to pick up dog food.
That is hystical. If you haven’t already, you should publish this account on your own site too!
February 22, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I love that game. But I’m always an ig-nor-a-moose.
I think I’ve been a “genius” one time. But I was dining alone, so I didn’t have a witness.
February 22, 2008 at 9:51 pm
You’re quite right! I just wrote a whole blog entry in your comment section, when I should have been writing it up on my own page…
…can we add that to my dorkiness list?
I’m very glad that you did, therefore you can’t add that to your dorkiness list!
February 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm
The shoe one made me laugh as I had an instant flashback to a moment long ago when I was called out at night for a breaking story. I dressed in the dark so as not to wake my then GF, only to discover when I got into the newsroom that I was wearing:
A grey suit jacket
Black suit trousers
A green shirt
A white sock
A patterned sock
A brown shoe
A black shoe (same style as the brown)
I also had lipstick on my neck.
Sigh. It took me ages to live down then. And it will take me ages to live down sharing it with the world now…
That’s priceless!
February 24, 2008 at 4:34 pm
* Lately I’ll completely lose the power of coherent speech mid-thought. In my mind I know what I mean to say, but I can’t make my mouth correctly form the words. People must think I’m an idiot.
* I’m so uncoordinated I can fall off a sidewalk.
* I’m pretty sure I used to sign letters to relatives with my full name.
Sidewalks can be quite dangerous…cracks and tree roots!
March 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm
[...] News flash: I am a dork. Most of the 3 people who read this already know that. For the rest of you, I was inspired by this post [...]
March 12, 2008 at 9:33 am
[...] smashed finger, stairway accidents, trips and falls, uncoordinated In the spirit of celebrating dorkiness, here are just a few reminders of why I’m not cool…When I was about 4 years old, I was [...]
May 26, 2008 at 4:45 pm
[...] 26, 2008 by Allison I’m afraid that my dorkitude cannot be contained in one post. Any one of these things is sure to guarantee your dorkdorm. All 10 would put you in the dork [...]