Confessions of a Double (La)crosser

Is it false advertising to wear a shirt representing a sport you don’t play, spectate, or even recognize?  A recent purchase of mine definitively answered this question. 

I was on a quest to find the perfect workout shirt– fitted, but not too tight; anti-wicking, but not over-polyesterish; stylish, but not impractical.  I was having no luck, and began to suspect a conspiracy against me.  Each aisle and rack delivered a fresh wave of disappointment.  Just as I was starting to lose hope, I spotted something previously undetected in the distance.  I diligently pursued my target and was rewarded with the discovery of a semi-secret rack of Under Armour® shirts.  They were everything I wanted and more…fitted, anti-wicking and cute.  There was just one small problem.  Each shirt was emblazened with some form of sport symbol.

I had always subscribed to a full-disclosure policy for my clothing.  I never wore sweatshirts touting colleges I hadn’t attended; I never wore Coca-Cola shirts when I really preferred Pepsi; and I never wore apparel promoting sports I didn’t play.  As I didn’t play any sports, I didn’t buy any clothing depicting sport-like activities.

So there I was– a rack of perfect shirts begging to be purchased on one hand, and my fear of being called out as a sport faker on the other hand.  I couldn’t make this decision alone.  I pulled a drooling Matt out of the tennis department for a consult.  He took one glance at the shirts and said, “Quit being ridiculous.  It’s just a shirt.”  He quickly returned to the tennis department and I heard his voice echoing down the aisle, “Buuuuyyyyy itttttt.”  I conceded, but opted for the most obscure sport I could think of, lacrosse, assuming that nobody would suspect I actually played it.

The shirt offered nothing but delight initially.  It resisted post-washing shrinkage.  It even wicked (or should I say anti-wicked?) as promised.  Best yet, nobody looked at me accusingly or suspiciously…that is, until the fateful day a man jumped off his stairmaster and approached me as I entered the fitness center.  He asked, “Do you play lacrosse?” with a hint of desperation in his voice.  “Um, no, it’s just a shirt,” I answered meekly.  “Oh,”  he responded with a crestfallen look upon his face, “I coach a women’s lacrosse team, and we really need players.”  I apologized for the misunderstanding and wished him luck on his search.

Ironically, I ended up working out next to a woman wearing the exact same lacrosse shirt one day.  I considered telling her about the man looking for lacrosse players, but thought better of it.

If you want to see the shirt in question, click here.  Do you think I’m giving the wrong impression?